Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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