dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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