Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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