I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
