Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
