I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
