Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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