I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
