could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
