Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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