im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
