The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
