And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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