but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
