My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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