What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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