onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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