I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
