did you get engaged???
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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