he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
