Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
