I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
