Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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