I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
