Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
