I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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