Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
