I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
