Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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