maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
