i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
