I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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