i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
