Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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