the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
