highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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