Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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