I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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