Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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