I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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