He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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