fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
