I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
