Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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