I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
