Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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