No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he was CRYING into my vagina
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize