you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
