good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
