So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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