easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
