OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
