A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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