Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
