And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
