I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
