is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
